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Psychotherapy and Counselling for Women In-Person and Online in Singapore with Cheryl Kennedy MacDonald

How Can I Stop Myself Blowing Up at My Kids?
As a mum, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, especially with the demands of parenting. If you find yourself frequently losing your temper with your kids, it’s important to manage these outbursts to create a more peaceful home environment. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you stop blowing up at your kids and foster a calmer atmosphere:

1. Identify Specific Triggers

Understanding what triggers your anger is the first step. Keep a journal for a week and note when you feel frustrated or angry. Pay attention to patterns:

  • Times of Day: Is it when you’re rushing to get out of the house?
  • Situations: Are there particular activities or behaviours that upset you?

Once you identify these triggers, you can develop strategies to address or avoid them. For example, if mornings are stressful, prepare as much as you can the night before.

2. Practice Deep Breathing

When anger starts to rise, use deep breathing to calm yourself:

  • 4-7-8 Technique: Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds.
  • Breathe with Purpose: Focus on your breath to distract yourself from immediate frustration.

This helps slow your heart rate and gives you a moment to pause before reacting.

3. Take Short Breaks

When you feel overwhelmed:

  • Step Outside: Go for a 5-minute walk in the garden or down the street.
  • Change Your Scenery: Move to a different room and take a few minutes to yourself.

This brief separation can help you regain your composure and approach the situation with a clearer mind.

4. Use Positive Self-Talk

Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations:

  • Change Your Inner Dialogue: Instead of saying, “I can’t handle this,” try, “I can handle this situation calmly and effectively.”
  • Reframe Challenges: View difficult moments as opportunities to practice patience and problem-solving.

This shift in mindset can reduce stress and improve your response to challenging situations.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

Parenting is inherently messy and imperfect. Adjust your expectations:

  • Accept Imperfection: Understand that not everything will go according to plan.
  • Focus on Progress: Celebrate small wins and improvements rather than aiming for perfection.

This mindset can help lower your stress levels and prevent frustration from building up.

6. Create a Calm-Down Routine

Develop a routine for managing your emotions:

  • Routine Activities: Incorporate calming activities like listening to soothing music, doing a quick yoga stretch, or practicing mindfulness.
  • Consistency: Use these activities consistently to help manage stress and anger effectively.

Having a set routine can help you stay grounded when emotions run high.

7. Communicate Openly with Your Kids

Discuss your feelings with your children in an age-appropriate manner:

  • Explain Emotions: Let them know that everyone has moments of frustration and how you’re working to manage it.
  • Teach Coping Strategies: Share simple techniques like deep breathing or taking a break.

Open communication can help your children understand and empathize with your feelings, strengthening your relationship.

8. Seek Professional Support

If these strategies aren’t enough:

  • Consult a Therapist: A professional can help you explore deeper issues and develop tailored strategies for managing your emotions.
  • Therapeutic Support: Working with a therapist can provide additional tools and insights to improve your emotional management.

How Therapy Can Help

Managing your emotions and avoiding blow-ups can be challenging, but therapy can provide valuable support. As a psychotherapist specializing in women’s mental health and parenting issues, I can help you develop effective strategies for managing stress and improving your family dynamics.

Visit my website to learn more about how therapy can support you.

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