How Can I Get Used To Expat Life?

A move abroad can feel disorienting, even when you chose it. An expat is someone living outside her native country, often temporarily and with the possibility of returning home. Finding your feet involves more than learning where to shop or how to get around.

You might feel excited about a new start and still miss familiar routines, people and places. That mix of feelings doesn’t mean you’re adapting badly. It can take time to feel at home while learning how life works in a different culture.

Here, I’ll explore what being an expat means and why settling in can bring unexpected emotional changes. I’ll also share ways to approach the adjustment gently, from making space for what you miss to building small routines that feel like yours. You don’t have to feel settled all at once. A manageable next step might be noticing what feels unfamiliar and what is beginning to feel comfortable.

Origin and meaning of the term expat

An expat is someone living outside her home country, often temporarily, with the possibility of returning. The word describes a situation rather than explaining why someone moved. For example, you might relocate abroad for work while expecting to return home. Another woman may move for a relationship or a different way of life. The same label can describe very different circumstances, plans and feelings. It says little about whether a move feels welcome, complicated, or both.

The modern use of “expatriate” has been traced to British civil servants on overseas assignments in the mid-20th century. Their work took them away from Britain, often for a particular role or posting. That history helps explain why the word can suggest a professional relocation arranged around employment. Today, people use it more broadly, including for women who move independently, with a partner, or for reasons unrelated to work. Its historical association with official assignments doesn’t describe every person living abroad. A label that began in one setting can acquire wider meanings as people use it differently.

The term also has older linguistic roots. “Expatriate” comes from the Latin “ex,” meaning “out of,” and “patria,” meaning “native country.” In everyday English, “expat” is a shortened form. Its roots point to living away from one’s native country, but they don’t tell you how long someone intends to stay, whether she feels attached to the place she left, or what she now considers home. Those questions can have different answers. You might feel settled in your new country and still feel connected to the place where you grew up.

Related terms describe different aspects of migration. A migrant may move within a country or across borders, temporarily or permanently, by choice or through force. An immigrant is commonly described as someone who moves to a foreign country intending to settle there indefinitely. The terms can overlap in everyday conversation, and people may choose whichever feels right to them. Someone who moved abroad for work, for instance, might later decide to stay indefinitely. Her plans have changed, even if others still describe her move as temporary.

The words can also carry social associations. “Expat” is sometimes used for people viewed as professionals on temporary assignments, while “immigrant” may suggest permanent settlement. Those impressions don’t reliably tell you someone’s nationality, income, legal position or intentions. Two women with similar lives abroad might choose different words for themselves. One may value the connection to an overseas job; another may prefer a word that better reflects her plans to settle. You can use the label that feels accurate, or simply describe where you live.

In Singapore, practical immigration arrangements use specific pass categories rather than everyday labels. According to the Ministry of Manpower, Singapore, an Employment Pass holder must earn at least SGD 6,000 per month to apply for a Dependant’s Pass for a legally married spouse and children under 21. This illustrates why an informal term cannot explain someone’s circumstances. Pass type, employment and family arrangements can shape the practical details of living in Singapore. They remain separate from what a person chooses to call herself.

Global figures offer another perspective on movement across borders. The United Nations estimated that 272 million international migrants lived globally in 2019, representing 3.5% of the world’s population. That figure includes people with varied reasons for moving; it doesn’t mean they share one identity or experience. A woman may have moved for employment, education, a relationship, or safety. The broad category describes movement, not the personal meaning of leaving. If you’re reflecting on your own move, consider what the label captures and what it leaves out.

Adapting to a new culture

Culture becomes visible in ordinary tasks: arranging a repair, joining a conversation, or choosing what to order. In Singapore, you might understand the menu at a hawker centre but feel unsure where to queue or how ordering works. These small uncertainties can pile up across a day. Choose one recurring situation and learn its practical steps. Familiarity with one routine can make that part of life feel less demanding.

Social expectations can take longer to read than signs or menus. A colleague’s brief reply may feel abrupt if you’re used to more conversational messages. Before deciding what it means, consider the context: was it a rushed workday, or is this how the person usually communicates? You could ask a trusted colleague a specific question about workplace customs. That gives you information without requiring you to copy everyone else’s style.

It can help to keep a short note on your phone called “things I’m learning”. Add an observation after a new experience, such as how to make an appointment or what to bring to a building meeting. Separate what you saw from what you guessed it meant. For example, “the meeting ended quickly” is an observation; “nobody wanted me there” is an interpretation. This small distinction leaves room for other explanations.

Language adds another layer. If the local language isn’t your first, you might rehearse a phrase before calling a delivery service or speaking with a neighbour. Even when you’re using English, unfamiliar expressions, accents or humour can take effort to understand. Keep a list of useful phrases and ask someone to explain a confusing expression. Learning a language or local usage is a practical skill, not a measure of how much you belong.

For children, a new school can bring unfamiliar routines, educational expectations and friendships. Keep one predictable point in the week, such as a familiar bedtime activity or a meal you enjoy together. When discussing school, ask about a particular lesson, classroom or journey rather than expecting a full account of the day. Note upcoming events and parent meetings from the school calendar so practical demands don’t come as surprises.

A partner’s relocation can also change the shape of your days. If your previous employment has paused, the hours may feel unexpectedly empty, even as household tasks increase. Write down what fills a typical weekday, including care work and administration. Then identify one activity that belongs to you, such as contacting a former colleague or exploring a class. This isn’t about being productive; it’s a way to notice what your new routine contains.

Friendship usually grows through repeated contact, not a single brilliant conversation. Pick one regular setting, perhaps a walking route, a parent gathering or a community class, and return when it suits your energy. You might learn one person’s name or ask how long they’ve been involved. Communities form in different ways, and you can take part without treating every interaction as a promise of close friendship.

Some days, a familiar song, recipe or call with someone from home may help you feel connected to the person you were before moving. Other days, you may want to try something new in Singapore. Both can belong in the same life. Notice which moments leave you curious and which leave you depleted; that information can guide your next small choice. If adjusting is affecting your sense of self, you can book a time to talk it through with me.

Create space for a personal interest, such as a regular walk, a class or time spent on a personal project. Treat it as part of the week, rather than something you need to earn after every task is finished. Partners of people who relocate for work may face culture shock, the loss of their usual social network, career interruptions and the challenge of helping children adjust to a new school. Naming these pressures can help clarify which needs attention first. You might choose someone to stay in touch with, a career step to explore or a school question to ask, without expecting to solve everything at once.

Tailoring pre-departure cross-cultural training to its specific relevance can positively influence expatriates’ adjustment to an assignment. If preparation is available, focus it on situations likely to shape your daily life, and revisit useful notes after arrival. Securing essential local services early on—such as registering with a primary care clinic like Hatmed Medical Centre for expats relocating to Pretoria—helps establish stability and routine in an unfamiliar environment. Adaptation can be approached as a set of manageable practices: notice what feels difficult, seek specific information, and make room for familiar routines while new ones take shape.

Female Focused Therapy: Individual Psychotherapy Sessions

Female Focused Therapy offers Individual Psychotherapy Sessions for women who want space to understand how an international move is affecting them. You might be managing work and daily routines while missing familiar relationships, questioning your identity, or feeling responsible for everyone else’s adjustment. I can help you explore what feels difficult and what you need, without treating every unsettled feeling as a problem to fix.

Online Therapy may suit you if you’re living outside Singapore or prefer to talk from home. I also offer ADHD-focused Therapy for women and Narcissistic abuse recovery therapy, where those experiences are relevant to what you’re carrying. You don’t need to wait until things feel unbearable to seek support. If you’d like to learn more, visit Female Focused Therapy.

Make space for what this move means to you

Settling into a new country doesn’t require you to leave your old sense of self behind. You can build familiarity at your own pace while noticing what you miss, what you value, and what you want your life in Singapore to include. Your experience as an Expat is yours, even when others have their own ideas about how you should feel.

If the transition is bringing up deeper distress or making it harder to recognise your needs, individual psychotherapy can offer space to explore that. Female Focused Therapy also offers online therapy and support for women affected by narcissistic abuse. You can consider what feels relevant to your circumstances without needing to have everything neatly worked out first.

If you’d like to talk with me about what you’re experiencing, choose a time to book an appointment. One honest conversation with yourself can be a meaningful place to begin.